- My mom 0.000052736 seconds after I open the fridge: Don't hold the fridge open so long
I wish none of you were sad
"You never get over it. But you get to where it doesn’t bother you so much."
awwwh. thank you, lovely. that’s really nice of you to say
follow me, i’m a good reblogger
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says ”Five beers, please.”
i dont get it
No one explain it
After the Roman drinks the beers, he tells the bartender, “I want a martinus.”
"Don’t you mean a martini?”
"If I wanted two, I would’ve asked for them."
how to give a handjob:
1. grab boner mid-shaft
2. pump until confetti is released
MY MOM JUST TOLD ME TO CREMATE HER AND PUT HER ASHES IN AN HOUR GLASS SO THAT EVEN AFTER SHE’S DEAD AND GONE SHE CAN CONTINUE TELLING ME HOW MUCH TIME I’M WASTING.
heterosexuality is a sin